a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
