And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
