shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
