I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
