its not stalking. its research.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
