im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
