I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Holy shit dude........stairs
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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