I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
