I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
