piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I want her autograph on my taint
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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