hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please, let me fuck your mom
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
