She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
