the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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