whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just cut my nipple shaving
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
