I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
