I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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