Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
