you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
