I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
