K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
