i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
