yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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