i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He did a backflip because drugs
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
