Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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