so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
