3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
