she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
