Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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