I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
