You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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