Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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