you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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