When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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