I swear she didn't look like that last week.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
