I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
