When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
