she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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