YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
