I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
