Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
