sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
