An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
