Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
