someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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