Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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