Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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