sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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