im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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