Kareoke will never be a sober sport
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
