Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
